Sunday, June 21, 2009

Dream Jobs

Everyone dreams of their dream job as a kid (Fireman, Policeman, Astronaut, Yeomen Farmer) but they are often lame and rarely come true. I figured, since I'm all growed up, my dream occupations should change. So, here's my top 3:

3: Wage/Happiness Analyst
This job would consist of gradually increasing my salary, and documenting it's effect on my behavior and "feelings." With the left over money, I would buy you all cars. Geo Metros for everyone!
(Note the solid gold cane. Not a cripple, just classy)

2: Flying Car Crash Test Coordinator
Don't knock this job before you know what it entails. Setting up a regular crash test is no big deal. Put car A in front of car B and hit the gas. Smash, you've got a crash test. With the advent of flying cars right around the corner, someone's got to figure this crashing business out in 3D. I've got a few ideas floating around, mainly using water cannons. Life would be good.

1: Stab Tester (doing the stabbing, not being stabbed)
I think people should know how their knives hold up when compared to other knives in a stab-off. This could even become a tv show, like battle bots or iron chef. I can just see it now... "But can his knife stab through all three of the flowerpots AND the frozen watermelon? Stab tester, you have 1 minute to stab. GO!"
What would your dream job be? (That's your cue to comment)