Tuesday, November 22, 2011

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch

It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and the Grinch has already stolen Christmas. A lot of Christmas.

And apparently he's a truck driver.

To myself - "hmmm. smells like Christmas behind this truck"

Monday, November 21, 2011

Million Dollar Ideas: DIY 3D TV

Yes folks, I've done it again. DIY3DTV. No, it's not a serial number, it's a dream come true.

The biggest issue we have with real life is that it's real, and we have to walk around and turn our heads to see and experience things. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just stare in one direction and not have to interact at all to acquire the same experience?


But if you want the fullest bestest experience, with things popping out at you and the like, a lot of money is required. The more time you spend making money, the less time you'll have to enjoy your better TV. It's a vicious cycle of spending more time working and spending less time experiencing life... in front of your TV.

Expensive, boring flat-screen TV:

usually free on craigslist or your parents basement!

I actually believe that the 2 tube television setup could work for 3D broadcasts, and you wouldn't even need glasses! All you'd have to do is focus on a dot 10 feet behind the TVs. Now, go forth and enjoy hours of DIY 3D programming!

Caution: Prolonged DIY 3D use may result in eye strain, headaches, and chicken-pock vision.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Rocket Tank

It shoots rockets. It doesn't fly. Sorry.

Is $25 too much to spend on a kids toy for my older brother? Survey says...

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

BOIL HIM IN [olive] OIL!

"...but don't pay too much for it. We're on a budget, guys"

Really Kroger? Really? I know it's a sale, and sales change, but who in the world would buy the smaller bottle? Is there a prize at the bottom? Do I get a monopoly piece with every purchase? Save the whales??? WHY!?

Ok. 9 question marks is my limit. Now, to the person reading this post that's saying to themselves, "I don't WANT 50 oz of olive oil. I only WANT 25 oz of olive oil and I'll be damned if the price makes me change my mind!"

Next time you're at Kroger, buying olive oil, give me a call and i'll meet you there. We'll pour half of the 50oz container into another container which I will bring with me. Then, at the checkout station, insist that you pay the extra 62 cents for the smaller bottle. WIN - WIN.

And maybe we'll high-five in the parking lot. Maybe we won't. Only one way to find out. *wink wink*

sorry for the extra question marks.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Not for the Habitual Grass Cutter

Lawn moving is something that we've all been brainwashed trained to do often. Did you ever wonder if you were doing the right thing? Did you ever question this monotonous act of delawnation? It may seem like a stretch, but the manufacturers of fertilizers, lawn mowers, and ankle socks are in cahoots to keep you mindlessly trimming, all the livelong day.

Well folks, if you can afford the anxiety medications to let your lawn grow out a bit, just look what fun you can have! The possibilities are plentiful!

If you can't have fun with your lawn, you'd might as well pave it over and draw grass on it with chalk.
Hey, that could be fun too!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Goodbye Summer! Good Riddance.

The Fall Equinox may not be until September 23 at 5:05 in the morning, but Kroger has already declared it fall. I think it's about time.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Mad Cupcake Skills

So what could possibly be better than Starwars or cupcakes?
Starwars-cupcakes, OF COURSE!

I know it's been a while since we actually made these cupcakes, but I was reminded while tagging faces in my picasa albums. (And just in case you were wondering how to get  to work with web albums, I've had luck in re-downloading albums, and then syncing them after I've added faces. Sucks, but it works.)

Now that's some mad cupcake skills. We made most of the main characters into tasty tasty cupcakes with the intent of recreating the films puppet style. Unfortunately, they took forever to make and were far to tasty not to eat. On the up side, I did get portraits before they were devoured. Enjoy!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

National Treasure

The dollar bill is trying to tell me something. The next clue!

Hmmm... must be some masonic fart joke.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

More Power, Captain!

Just when you though life couldn't get any better... Look at this gigantic jug of barbecue sauce!

And you can tell that this stuff is deluxe for a few reasons:
  • They spelled "deluxe" correctly
  • It's made in the USA
  • The contents are measured in ENERGY

That's right folk, 320 million joules in every bottle!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Google Maps Puzzle Fail

So, I'm not 100% sure why this is, but the George Washington National Forest boundaries (in green) seem a little off in this Google map:

I'm just guessing here, but I believe that the green wavy border should match up with the blue wavy line. So they'd look more like this:

It may not be Google's fault. I don't know where they get their National Forest boundary data. It may be a magnetic/true north issue, or an astronaut sneezed near a GPS satellite when they were collecting the data. Who knows. I'd just like it fixed. It's a eye sore, and obvious mistake. Come on Google...

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Cuffed at the Car Wash

He couldn't stand with one foot in the air. I'm guessing he didn't study for this test. I blame XBox.

But honestly, I never though watching a DUI test would look so much like a 4 year old's first dance lesson.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Friday, June 17, 2011


As I was contemplating shaving this morning, I noticed a funny little sign on my shaver's power cable:

This simple sign got me thinking. Is this really necessary? Will people just go around cutting their power cables expecting no consequences unless they are warned not to? What kind of world do we live in!?

Being unsure, I've devised a safeguard for everyone to either attach or tattoo to their bodies.

Better safe than sorry, right?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Are You Laughing Out Loud? me too

The use of the "lol" acronym in the online community is absurd. And I'm hear to ask "what does it really mean?"
Yeah, it may sound dumb, but the jury is still out on this one. Here are a few of the current meanings:
  • Lots Of Laughs
  • Little Old Ladies
  • Locks Of Love
  • Lots Of Luck
  • Loads Of Loot
  • Love Of Life
  • Lack Of Love
  • Live On-Line
  • Longitudinal Output Level
  • Land O' Lakes
And the list goes on and on with less popular phrases. My theory here is that it's not an acronym at all. It's actually an ascii art typo that's been perpetuated by the unknowing. The pipe "|" was accidentally replaced with the L. Here is an example of the original:

now: lol
then: |o|

But what does it mean??? Well, the scene below should answer this mystery.

       \\            :><: =     =    |o|    

Now if you're not talking about starwars, can we just go back to typing "ha ha"?

Sunday, March 6, 2011


It's not my favorite of the trilogy either, but it's not poop.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Coloring Book

Of the many thing I plan on making for my son, one of them will be a coloring book. Well, probably not a book, cause that's hard. Probably more along the lines of me drawing things on pieces of paper in a black marker and letting him color them in.

Since I miss coloring, playing with blocks, and all the other cool things i'm really good at now, I'll probably color with him. Want a sneak peek at our future colorings?




I may be having some very awkward parent-teacher conferences in the near future.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Weekend Warriors. Weekday Performers

When the Army National Guard Circus Division is called in, you know things are serious.

If they start leaning, they fire shots, kinda like a small space craft's rocket boosters.
In this time of budget cuts, do you know how much gas this will save over using a Bradley!?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Not Just A Walls Best Friend


If you find one broken, it was probably me. I'm sorry. I'm seeking help.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Mr. Wrinkle Pants

As a kid, I caught a lot of flak from my mom about always having wrinkly clothes.
And all I needed to make it better was a  iron. corn-cob pipe.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

This is not the PowerPoint you are looking for.

This student knows how to earn an A+
(The project was to build a $1500 computer)

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Driving No No's

At least he's wearing his seatbelt.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

As Seen on TV!

"Tired of having your vomit splash you in the face?"

"Unlock the hidden acoustic properties of your toilet!"

"Ever wish you could breath sewer gas without having to smell sewer gas?"

"But wait... It's also inflatable!"

"Easier than siphoning gas from your neighbor's car!"

Anyone got any more?

Ho Ho Hope You're Ready For This

Isn't killing people in their sleep on Christmas against some gentleman's code or something?
This has always disturbed me a little.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hitler Channel, now in HD!

After watching several programs about Hitler in a row this weekend, I've come to two conclusions:

1. Hitler was full of contradictions, but I believe the largest was the half-assed execution of his own salute. He either sticks his arm out like he's pointing at someone right in front of him with all his fingers, or swats at a fly buzzing by his right ear. Way to lead by example...

2. Once again, as to the Nazi salute, everyone other than Hitler looks as though they're hailing a cab.