Tuesday, October 27, 2009

ART: Momma Bird

If you had to, would you do it?

I sure would. Heck, I'd even regurgitate food for baby alligators. Though I'd have on stipulation. No green stuff. This homie don't play that.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Land of the Lost: Richmond Style

Where do hobos come from? What do hobos do all day? When they get hungry, do they eat pigeons? If hobos stopped eating pigeons, would pigeon overpopulation threaten city life as we know it?

Some may consider the hobos a spark of character for the city, or a "fact of life" when living in an urban environment. Personally, I think hobos bring as much character as a herd of rabid ally cats. (I'd hate to be the shepard of that herd. Sorry, no picture.)

I can only think of two possible solutions to this problem/crisis which plagues the city.

PLAN A: Hobo Zoo
Take all the hobos and put them in a zoo. Works for me.
"Mom, what's that smell?"
"I think it's the elephant cage, dear. No. No, it's the hobo cage.

Unfortunately, due to "the economy" this isn't an option.

PLAN B: Mars Rover meets RoboCop

Richmond VA.
The jewel of Virginia, that doesn't look much like a jewel, because it's covered in trash and hobo urine.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Bad Habits: Smoking

For the efficient pack-per-day smoker:

And for those wondering,
Yes, I knew this guy.
Yes, it was my idea.
Yes, I took this picture.

No, he didn't make it through freshman year.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Quiz Time: Coolest Super Hero

It's that time again! Time to play, QUIZ TIME. Today's question:


Which Super Hero is the coolest:

A. Superman
B. Spiderman
C. Batman
D. Aquaman

DUH. He can fly, Lift really big stuff, stop bullets, etc. But most of all, his inspiration comes from Carlie Brown.

Good job to all of you who chose Superman. Everyone that got this answer right gets $10.

Am I the Only One?

Has anyone every asked you what you want for Christmas, and you answer "I want a pony" and the person laughs and walks away, then come Christmas, no pony?

I know Santa, and the excuse I get is, "Ho ho ho, a pony is too big to lug around all Christmas eve."

Well, Santa, I have a few thoughts on that topic.
1. Avoid lugging all night. Come to my house first.
2. I see people in commercials getting cars as gifts. Are they heavier then a Pony?
3. Pizza.Another cheap trick is getting some fake plastic pony.Maybe the elves need to make ponies that can fly, like reindeer, with computer chips in their brains that guide them to kids houses. I totally want a flying pony with a guidance system, kinda like a living breathing RIDE-ABLE tomahawk cruise missile! I'd be the coolest kid on the block.

Santa must have a real issue with scope creep.

I Saw the Sign...

Exit signs are unique. Small glowing red signs that stay lit all the time, day or night, power or no power. Whether there is an emergency or not, they let you know how to get from inside to outside with minimal thought. Great idea, don't you think? I sure do. That's why I think the work needs more signs like the exit sign.Yes, most places have bathroom signs, but is that enough? They don't catch the eye like the glowing exit sign, and if you're behind a corner, there isn't a sign to tell you which direction to go. What if the power goes out and you need to go to the bathroom? Would you just take a do do on the floor? What if the lights come back on, and someone catches you popping a squat, and records it with there cell phone? What if they put that recording on youtube, and you boss sees it. What if your boss declares that bathrooms are unnecessary, turns them into more cubicles and makes everyone use the hallway for there "business"? What if the janitorial staff doesn't clean it up because "it's not in the contract"???
You would have to spend half your paycheck on air fresheners, and you'd probably contract a deadly disease or two.

Less exit signs, more bathroom signs. Call your congressman today!

(I would have made this a million dollar idea, but I fear the profit potential could undermine the dire importance.)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Quiz Time: Favorate Cookies

And the answer is:

Which cookie do you enjoy most:

A. Sugar Cookie
B. Chocolate Chip Cookie
C. Oatmeal Cookie
D. Gingerbread Cookie

You enjoy Chocolate chip cookies the most! Good job to all of you who chose B. That's good job to half of Theresa's answer. (In the future, dual answers will be automatically counted wrong)

Thank you for playing, and have a nice day!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Superhero or Supervillain: Fishman

It's a bird, it's a plane, no.. IT'S FISHMAN!
Born and raised in a small town near a lake, our hero/villain learned quickly how to use his abilities.
Bullies on the school playground would make fun of him for eating peanut butter sandwiches (Fishman really like butter and peanuts.) In the blink of an eye, he would fall on the ground, flopping around and gasping for air. In a state of panic, his assailants quickly began to panic and fled the scene.
This new found power made going to school impossible from this point on, and he spent most of his time working for a local fast food restaurant.

Unfortunately the question still remains: Hero or Villain? Stay tuned to find out!

Poem 2


I'm so glad
I don't have poopy pants
smells real bad
I even kill the plants!
I'm so proud
I'm making a milk shake
not pooping pants
is easy as cake

I'm so glad
I don't have poopy pants
my milk shake
is filling up with ants!
I hate ants
they are not so fun
so i will
shoot them with my gun

I'm so glad
I don't have poopy pants
you're glad too
lets do a little dance!
We'll hop and skip
and run and jump
And then we'll - WAIT -
I just took a dump.