Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Already There

I couldn't get my car out of the driveway this morning. Every time I'd hit the gas my telepathic on board GPS would say I was already at my destination.

No, it's not too geeky. Get your own blog.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Electronics Apocalypse: Humidity 0%

Not even those static free bags will save you! Start collecting guns and ammo. and chapstick.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Does this make me a bad person?

I thought about it, but this did NOT end up replacing my boss's keyboard.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

All your wall street are belong to US

Am I really the only one on the internet that caught this? A gamer outside? In the sunlight? It has to be fake.

Google image search

All your _______ are belong to us

Monday, June 25, 2012


Who says they never use math?

I use it all the time, and my drugs stay super fresh!

On a lighter note, "feathers."

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Life Lesson from Cookie Dough

To my son:

Just adding please doesn't mean you'll get your way.


(I'm talking to the Pillsbury guy, not my kid.)

Monday, May 14, 2012

5th Grade School Bus Chatter

So, in the middle of giving a canned final exam on XP this afternoon, I noticed this gem of an answer:

The first thing that came to mind was an insult exchange heard back in elementary school.

"Yo momma wears combat boots!"
"Oh yeah? Yo momma's like a machine gun. She shoots out stuff."

And before you all start asking what the correct answer is I'll break it down for you:

  7 characters using only numbers = 10000000 combinations
  Not enough.

  8 characters using lower and uppercase letters = 53459728531456 combinations.
  Common dictionary word.

  3 characters using lower and uppercase letters AND numbers = 238328 combinations.
  Too few characters.

Your mother wears size 12 Army Boots!?!
  39 characters using lower and uppercase letters, numbers, AND special characters =
  1.3527595427905617188002050084675e+77 OR a little more than 132 Quattuorvigintillion.
  This is the correct answer. (Yes, Windows XP allows the space character in passwords.)

Sunday, May 6, 2012

"You're letting the air conditioning out!"

You should close the door. Not necessarily to keep the AC in (we don't have any) but to keep other thinks out. Bugs are the main concern for most people. At night, the air gets really humid, and the moths and other assorted unwanted flying creatures will enter your home and make you unhappy. I failed to follow this simple door closing rule last night.

Sooooo, my story begins well after my overly pregnant wife has gone to bed. I go downstairs to put the bucket seats back in the van. I also take out the car seats and install them.

Good husband? Yes.
Could I be better? Yes again.
But how? Well, why don't we repack all the hospital/baby gear back in the van! (we = me and "my precious")

That's when I met this thing:

At first, when it scurried from behind a bag I picked up, I thought it was a mouse. Upon closer inspection, it was a possum. I tried to get it to run out the door that was five feet across the room, but it decided to run to the laundry room instead. I could just close the door and let it hang out all night in there, but I'd hate my next child to be born in my kitchen when it jumps out at my wife in the morning. So, I built a guided path to the door and prepared to enter the laundry room.

My armor of choice against this rather small rodent was a laundry basket. I've seen much larger possums, and they were mean and scary looking with the teeth and the hissing and what not. I was not to be fooled by the general "cuteness" of this foul creature.

 I spotted him a few times by moving things around.

It didn't have many places to hide, and after not seeing it for a while, and checking everywhere, I assumed it escaped. He's a sneaky little bugger, hence how he got inside in the first place. But the story does not end there. Have a look:

Right out of a horror film.

The van started up just great and the possum was gone. We all lived happily ever after.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Chalk boards are awesome

Let me sum up your comments for you:

"Poor girls!"

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Silhouettes can be Deceiving

"Ok wise guy, what's with the 'ENTER' and 'EXIT'"

*turns on light*


Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Angry Cars

Are you intimidated?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Hunger Games: archery in the future?

This movie looks soooo awesome, but...
the opposite of what I just said.

I'm no archery expert, but from one of the main promotional pictures, something looks off, and I have a few guesses at why:
  • This character is learning the sport of archery, and this photo was taken when she started.
  • This is practice and she's simulating a firing solution by pointing her finger at the target. (circle)
  • In the future, when this film takes place, the economic meltdown of north america has modified the laws of physics, and this is now the proper draw of a bow (are the two lines equal length?)

And the there's a possibility that the film ran over budget and could not ___________________________.

A) hire an archery instructor
B) pay for internet access to google "how to shoot a bow"
C) afford gasoline or a ride in a rickshaw to the local library to look at a picture book on archery

Now, the movie might not turn out to be that bad. I might also find $20 on the sidewalk today, but both have rather slim chances of becoming reality.

I'm still crossing my fingers on the $20 one...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Caption Contest #1

Everyone loves a good caption contest! Lets give it a whirl. You may post as many captions as you'd like. The winner gets 5 points! 5 FREAKING POINTS! Anywho, round #1... GO:

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Someone out there on twitter was reading my mind. Do it again, and I'm calling the thought police.

"I think so, Brain, but wouldn't his movies be more suitable for children if he was named Jean-Claude van Darn?"

Sunday, February 19, 2012

One Dead, Suspect Missing

After a tragic event, the cast of Disney's "Winnie the Pooh" are left in a state of mourning and disbelief.

In the late hours of Friday night, neighbors reported a domestic dispute is an apartment complex in Harrisonburg, VA. Police arrived on the scene minutes later, only to find the body of a decapitated tiger. The tiger's identity has not been confirmed, but there has been great speculation that the deceased is none other than the lovable, bouncy-trouncey, fun fun fun fun, Tigger. The cast is in shock.

"I was soundly asleep in my bed dreaming of my garden when I heard a loud crash." said Rabbit. "I knew there was going to be trouble when he used the last of Pooh's honey as hair gel." "Sometimes Tigger was just plain reckless."

Witnesses put the show's star, Pooh, at the place of the crime. "He came up the stairs. Some stuff happened. That's all I know, but you probably already knew..." said Eeyore.

Both Kanga and Roo had seen Pooh just hours before the incident muttering to himself and frantically looking for something. Roo recalls the suspect as having a "rummbly in his tummbly" and "crazy eyes." 

The suspect was last seen fleeing the seen right after the altercation. Owl caught a glimps of Pooh hijacking Piglet and making a "wobbly and improbably quick escape" on his friend's shoulders.

The police are on the lookout for the crazed and suspected killer bear. 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentines Day

I Ho Ho Hope you're having a happy Valentines day!

We were ordered to take the "Valentines" tree down a couple weeks ago. What is this world coming to!?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Google+ Face Recognition

See anything odd?

Stephen, this is your jacket  favorite jacket  bodyguard  soul mate.
You're not ashamed of me, are you?


Thursday, January 19, 2012

My Toddler is Better Than Your Toddler

How does a dinosaur wake up in the morning?

Does he wreck his whole room without any warning?

Does he scream really loud and stomp on the floor?

Does he mope and cry by his bedroom door?

No. He gets a book and reads in his bed until Mommy or Daddy come and get him.

Seriously. I have the bestest dinosaur EVER.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Smells Better

This post is purely to push the previous post's picture down from my landing page. Psychology apparently has a large impact on the sense of smell.

Enjoy this playful scene entitled: Kids with Balloons by yours truly.

Be careful not to scroll down to far. It is still down there.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Quiz Time: Toddler Food

What tasty seed (shown below) is my son not very good at digesting?

A. Acorn
B. Avocado
C. Coconut
D. Poppy

Feel free to click on the photo to see the actual size.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

WW3 Driving Ace

On my way to work this morning, I had a thought. Two intriguing things combined make good fantasy plot lines. For example, space - western. WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK? Well, it's my turn now. Let's give it a whirl with things that I find interesting, shall we?

Combat pilots
(Thanks to many hours infront of the History Channel)
How cool are these guys!? They mark their aircraft every time they take out an enemy. I should mark my flyswatter every time I take out a flying insect. Minor victories, but victories none the less.

 Pedestrians Points
(Thanks to living near a college campus)
The points you would obtain for hitting pedestrians with your car. Different people are worth different points depending on the hilarity or horribleness of their being targeted. (But usually both).
Dude, go for that woman with the stroller. If you get them both it's 25 pedestrian points!

Stupid bikers need to stay out of the road! They're not even worth the points you get for taking them out.
Now, with the 2 combined, we get Driving Aces!
Let's put decals on our cars for people we run over. OH WAIT... I've already seen a few on the road, generally on larger vehicles (vans, suvs) but I'm sure smaller cars can over take their temporary dominance.

+2 for the fish

+5 for Hawaiian shirts shorts?

+20 for the surfer/skier combo

zombies count double