Friday, July 31, 2009

Escalators: Moving Mankind Forward... and upward

I've always been fascinated by escalators and their retarded cousin, the moving walkway. We've all been on them at the airport. We've all been stuck behind some group of people who don't want to walk on the moving walkway. But then again, why would you want to double your walking speed? I you wanted to do that, you could just run on an non-moving walkway.

- WHAT!? - It's a moving walk-way?

If you don't want to move a muscle, I'm okay with that. Just do so in a manner that does not disturb those around you. Moving walkway and escalator etiquette dictates that rules of the road apply:
  1. Slower traffic (including stopped traffic) must yield the left side to faster traffic.
  2. All traffic will move in the same direction.
  3. Don't be a douche.
Those in violation of these rules, or the use of "asphyxiating gas, or any other kind of gas, liquids, substances or similar materials" as outlined by Geneva Protocol, shall receive no mercy.

For all of you architects out there: WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?

I understand that people are lazy, but this is flipping ridiculous. This has nothing to do with ADA because people in wheelchairs can't use escalators. This escalator serves ONLY the lazy. And you guessed it! It's in NJ. Home of the tallest trash heap and the shortest escalator.

I guess it could have alternative uses...
Robert, install an escalator to man-town and I'll give you $20.


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