Chad

This is Chad. Chad is in the special class because, well, he bites. He wears a sign each day on his shirt as a warning to those he may come in contact with. The mittens ducktaped to his hands prevent him from removing these signs, or causing bodily harm with them.
Some of his signs have included:

DON'T TOUCH, BITES
DO NOT CORNER
ANGERED BY SNIVELING
TOUCHING (with a big red line through it)
SPOOKED BY APPLAUSE
GOES FOR EYES

and my personal favorite:

SEIZURES MAY BE A TRAP

Now don't get me wrong. My child will not be a monster (nor a redhead) like Chad, but one sure fire way to keep bullies away is to wear a different shirt with a sign each day. Instead of the clever "Trust me. I'm a professional" my kid would wear "WARNING: FINGERS LOOK LIKE HOTDOGS"

Just a thought.

Who's up for a road trip?

It's a bird
It's a plane
HOLY CRAP IT'S A CARNOTAURUS!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnotaurus

Drug-Free Christmas

You better watch out

You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why

Theresa Clause is coming

and if you're bad
she'll eat you.

Mans best Machine

I wish I had discovered this sooner. I guess only people who wash their hands get rewarded.

Quiz Time: Favorite Goonie **ANSWER**

The answer was: D. Data
For an update on all the other characters:
http://clarkandheptner.blogspot.com/2009/04/whatever-happened-to-goonies.html

Quiz Time: Favorite Goonie

Which of the following is your favorite Goonie:

A. Mouth
B. Mikey
C. Chunk
D. Data

Don't get this one wrong. Make me proud people.

Vroom vroom

Robert,
The Emperor called and left you a message. By the way, where the heck are you?
-Your brother.

Urinal Cake! Who's Birthday?

Probably someone we don't like.

So I think I could totally make some money writing jingles for urinal cake manufacturers. I'm not sure how large the market is, but it can't be too small. I mean, half of the population has the option of using a urinal on a regular basis, and I'm sure at least a few million choose to do so. Anywho, here we go:

Bathroom stinks
Don't know what to do
Just un-zip
To fight the awful poo

Pee on a urinal cake!
Let go of the hate
Pee on a urinal cake!
Choose your own fate

Just wet it down
To release that aroma
Mail us today
For your urinal diploma!

Pee on a urinal cake!
Don't breath the stink
Pee on a urinal cake!
Take a piss on the pink

One of these days I'll put it to a catchy tune. Until then, do the world a favor: Have your cake and pee on it too.



All urinal cakes must wash hands returning to work.